You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
