Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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