theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
