i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
