His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I AM VODKA MAN
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
