I puked a lego.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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