Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
