I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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