Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
