why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
