so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
