My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
