You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
