But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
