Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
