hell yes lets make some ravioli
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
