Just fell off a train. Bad.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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