Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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