These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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