You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
