well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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