nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
