At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
