I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
