what day is it and did you see me today?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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