if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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