Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
