I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
