the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
