i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
