i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
