can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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