no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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