He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
