Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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