I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I love you. Go after that dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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