I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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