I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let's get the cat blown out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
