I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
