I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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