My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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