Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I want to fling myself into the sun
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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