Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
