we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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