At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
