just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
