twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
