I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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