drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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