i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Alive.
So much puke
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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