So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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