I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
