Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
