Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
