I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize