You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
