Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he thought i was a dude.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
