Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
