I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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