I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
