in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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