So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
