I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
