I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
