i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
