So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
