I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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