If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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