He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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