My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
