I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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