I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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