I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
