Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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