Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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