was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
