Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
