She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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