try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
