I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i've created a new STD.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
