do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
