one two three fourrrrnication!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
