i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize