I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
