Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
