How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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