i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
