I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
