are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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