what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
