my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
