Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
